


I don’t want her if I can’t have you....as my drummer

by CottonBr3ath



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drug Use, Episode: s04 The Doomstar Requiem, Ew talking about emotions, M/M, Nathan has feelings?, Nathan is a mess, Nickles, Pickles is confused, Shotgunning, Skwisgaar misses Toki but won’t admit it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28068258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CottonBr3ath/pseuds/CottonBr3ath
Summary: After Magnus took Toki from the band Nathan is in his room,panicking wondering what they are gonna do,can they do anything...but he can’t show that he cares because that’s not...Metal
Relationships: Nathan Explosion/Pickles the Drummer
Kudos: 2





	I don’t want her if I can’t have you....as my drummer

The large frame of the long haired singer trembled oh so slightly as he laid in his bed. The band was still hidden in the dethsub as a retreat for safety after the funeral. Nathan felt like they should be doing something...right? They were a weird little family he has to protect them right?! Prove that he can actually do something in life,prove himself to his bandmates...prove that he wasn’t uselss.Nathan felt like he hadn’t seen his bandmates in months, were they taken from him too? Was he really that useless? The thought of being alone again taunted him. He had finally gotten comfortable with his little family and for them to just disappear was...one of his biggest fears. The kinda fear that made his skin crawl and his throat close up. 

He almost already had his biggest fear happen to him,because of his own dumb decisions...he wasn’t gonna lose his only friends over a dumb girl who didn’t actually care for him. I mean she didn’t even stay with him...(she split and then got hurt,)especially not pickles he’s been with him since the beginning. Did life find him a large joke to pick away at until it was nothing? Because frankly it was working. He closed his eyes tightly in attempt to stop thinking. Thinking was hurting him more then watching...Magnus take them from him. Even with a small hatred towards Abigail he didn’t want her to die...He took a deep breath his lungs stinging at the breath of his air in his lungs, almost as if he was inhaling water. At the moment it didn’t seem like a terrible idea. He closed his eyes and huffed. Why was this hitting him so hard...he shouldn’t even care. God he hated this feelings thing...it was totally unbrutal. 

He was pulled from the dark void of his anxiety and thoughts because a small simple knock on the metal door. He sat up slightly resting on his elbows to look at the door. He cleared his throat and then called out”Come in” his voice was as deep and grumbly as always but Nathan worried that his tone would come off as scared or nervous. He believed that most of his band mates were nervous at the situation that was happening but he felt to embarrassed to show that weak side of him to the others. So he always just put his feelings and emotions behind a wall to act as a stronger leader to his friends. 

After Nathan called out the metal door opened slightly and an usual face popped in. The tangle of dreadlocks in a ponytail laid against Pickles shoulder as he looked inside the room. Once he made eye contact with Nathan a dopey smile appeared on the red heads face a smile that showed no worry behind it...how was pickle so...calm. The drummer walked fully into the room and closed the door quietly behind him. 

“Sup Nate’n” the red head said as he walked over to the bed and plopped on to it. Nathan looked at him, his stern expression softening at his best friends voice. Nathan sat up all the way and scooted to the headboard of his bed and curled his knees into his chest holding them tightly. “Uh...hey”the larger male said as he looked away from the red head. Pickles annualized him for a second and raised a brow”Uh Nate’n yeh okay?” He asked and went to go touch his shoulder, Nathan flinched away and looked at Pickles hand as if it was a fan trying to touch him without his permission. 

Pickles looked offended that Nathan flinched away”Nate’n...I gat thet yer shaken up but y’ can talk t’ me” Nathan shook his head”Pickles I’m....fine”Nathan’s voice sounded weary as if he wasn’t sure that what he was saying was correct. Pickles eyes narrowed at Nathan’s words and then shook his head “Nah Nate’n I don’t believe dat” Pickles cleared his throat and ran a hand through his dreads before placing both hands on Nathan’s beefy shoulders. Nathan looked at him,his bottom lip quivered and then looked away as Pickles began to speak.

“Nate’n...please don’t feel like y’ gatta be all brave and strong fer us, okay...I know yer sahm mother goose fer us bat y’ don’t gatta...I know y’ want us to be safe and make sure we’re feelin’ fine...but y’ don’t gatta hide how yer feelin’ durin’ it...yer mental health matters t’” Pickles talking to him like this was foreign to Nathan...I mean getting all emotional together wasn’t something the singer was used to...I mean they had a few talks early Dethklok but those were since forgotten and disposed of. I mean Nathan still remember the tender emotional moments the two had. Those moments actually meant a lot to the singer but he wouldn’t admit that to anyone not even him self believe it or not. 

Nathan didn’t know if he wanted to talk about how he was feeling,he didn’t know why he allowed toki to be friends with Magnus...this was all his fault huh. He’s the reason that Toki was taken from them. He deserves to feel like shit...he’s the reason he’s gone. As Nathan was sucked back into the void of anxiety and thoughts in his brain his body reacted physically. His frame shook having occasionally large spasms in his arms or legs. Pickles noticed this and clutched on to Nathan’s arm carefully.

Pickles felt as if he made Nathan feel even worse about this situation by telling him that he could tell he wasn’t doing well. Maybe it was something Nathan was insecure about...just the thought made Pickles frown softly. He then cleared his throat and moved one hand to his shoulder and rubbed it gently”Nate...just know I’m open t’ talk about whateva’ ya wanna” the red head said nicely. Nathan was confused...why did he care? 

And why was he so good at this feelings thing...Pickles grew up with shitty parents that believed his even shitter brother Seth over Pickles any day which caused him to runaway as a kid and never come back, Nathan didn’t blame him. But Nathan,he grew up with a normal supportive family...and he is terrible with dealing with emotions. Nathan believed that there was something wrong with him that caused him to be this way,that caused him to struggle with the littlest of task,dealing with how he felt. 

At the funeral...he tried so hard to apologize but it wouldn’t come out. It caused him to puke out blood before he was able to even say a simple sorry. But he was just glad that Pickles accepted it,he didn’t know if he would be able to live with himself if Pickles didn’t. Nathan shook his head a bit bringing himself out of his thoughts,and bringing himself to look at Pickles. 

Nathan’s expression scrunched again and he took a deep breath before he began taking”Pickles, I feel...like a large pile of fucking shit. I let Toki get taken because I let Toki befriend Magnus ...and I let Abigail get hurt...and-“his body began to trembled worse then before his body wasn’t used to this,and Nathan didn’t blame it...”And I’m just a shitty person all together I almost ruined our friendship over...a dumb f-fucking girl”he said and clutched Pickles arms tightly”P-pickles I’m...s-....I’m s.....Sorry” saying the word was less work this time but blood still surfaced to his mouth and dripped from his mouth. 

Pickles looked at him,he wasn’t completely sure Nathan would spill anything after being friends with him over 15 years and never getting a smidge of how he was feeling unless he was drunk or fucked up. Pickles was glad that Nathan had shared with him how he was doing. Pickles’s expression softened as he payed attention to Nathan’s expression. “Nate’n, Toki gettin’ hurt wasn’t your fault, none of dis is, and Nate’n I git dat ya feel bad about da Abigail thing but- Nate’n I wasn’t even mad about Da girl- I just didn’t wanna lose you- I didn’t want the band ta lose ya over sahm girl” Pickles said and he adverted his eyes at the little slip up. He didn’t wanna sound gay...because that’s not the way he meant it. Yeah in his younger years he would mess around with a few guys but...not recently,not since he’s been in Dethklok. Pickles realized he was overthinking this as Nathan is a in a somewhat sensitive state and he isn’t gonna even pick it up as gay. 

Nathan started speaking again”Thanks Pickles...but I...man I don’t even fucking know this whole feelings thing is totally un- fucking brutal” Nathan said and blew the iconic price of hair out of his face as it was bothering him at the moment. Pickles chuckled and rubbed Nathan’s arm. “Of course it’s unbrutal, because only normal jackoffs deal with feelin’s but we gatta deal with em sahm times...which fuckin’ sucks but what can ya do, nothin’” Nathan looked at him, he smiled seeing him laughing it wasn’t because he was an asshole it’s because he genuinely liked hearing Pickles laughing. Pickles had this kinda sweet sugary laugh,it wasn’t annoying or to high pitch,it was just perfect. 

Nathan realized how he was thinking,Nah not gay,just appreciating his best friend...I mean he could’ve lost him because of his own dumb actions...ah yes appreciation. Nathan was feeling a little better about this situation,he’d always have a guilt about this but Pickles helped him feel better for the moment. Maybe...Charles could get the organ where emotions come from removed,he didn’t need them. They were useless to the singer.

Pickles smiled and grabbed at Nathans hand. “Bud tanks fer tellin me all that...it’s good t’ know how ya feelin’ some times...”he said and Nathan just stared at him and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. The two were just staring at each other now. “So ah now what? Ya wanna do somethin’ or?”Pickles questions and messed with his tangle of dreads. Nathan looked away from Pickles”Uhm...I’m probably gonna get fucked up later to distract myself from this dumb shit if you wanna hang out later”Nathan said and shrugged his shoulder. Pickles nodded in agreement”Yeh dood, well cya later den” Pickles said and then got off the singers bed and stretched his thin arms above him with a groan his tank top riding up and showing a bit of his side and stomach. 

Nathan looked away and messed with his hair slightly. Pickles then noticed that he was looked away from him and pouted slightly”ah well, later dood”he said and waved goodbye to the much bigger male. Opened the metal door and left closing it behind him. Was this awkward? Yeah probably...is he gonna probably hide in his room till him and Nathan hang out again,yeah probably. 

Nathan watched as Pickles left the room,a breath he didn’t know he was holding left him as soon as Pickles was gone. Why did his body have that reaction? He didn’t know but he felt fucking stupid so,how fun is that :3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading I hope this was at least enjoyable! My big comfort ship is Nickles so hehe, also this is probably really bad and I apologize!


End file.
